Anthony had his
first operation when he was 11 weeks old. It went well, and that was
his first shunt to redirect blood flow to his lungs. This gave him a
bit more oxygen in his blood. They took an artery from his left arm
and redirected it into his lungs. He did not have a good pulse in
that arm after the operation. During Anthony’s first stay at the
Prince Charles Hospital was when I learnt of the Cardiac Support
Group. Heart to Heart was a great support to me. It was very
comforting to share worries with other families in a similar
situation. I met many caring people. As a group we started fund
raising to purchase equipment and toys for the children in the kid’s
ward. It gave me some purpose to give something back to the hospital
because of their wonderful care or our precious heart kids.
Anthony also had a
double hernia operation when he was 3 and a half.
His next operation
was when he was five. Another shunt, the doctors joined two
arteries with a plastic tube so blood would flow into his right
lung. This gave him more oxygen and gave him time to grow until
the next operation. It was during this time that Anthony
developed a fear of needles. I tried everything I could to help
him relax but the anxiety would build up just before the nurses
would take blood. Despite his fear Anthony would not move, he
would cry, but he wouldn’t move his arm. I was very proud of
Anthony and how he faced his fears.
I found this
time to be both rewarding and difficult as most things seem to
be in life. There was the joy of having this little lovely boy
to hold and cuddle and love but it was marred with the anxiety I
had for his health and well being. Many times when we went to
the hospital for check ups I would spend much of the waiting
time in the toilet with an upset stomach waiting for the next
bit of bad news from the doctor.
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As a parent of a heart child I discovered more avenues to
worry about things than ever before. I felt very vulnerable
and wanted to do the best I could in caring for Anthony. I
came a little unstuck before Anthony’s operation aged 5. The
worry of waiting for the operation date, signing the consent
form, saying good-bye to your child as he is being taken
into theatre. All these thing wore me down. I was afraid for
Anthony’s life and I did not know how to effectively deal
with the worry. I got very ill and started to lose weight. I
was scared that I would not be able to care for him. Peter
was very concerned for my health and mental well being. The
burden got too much and one day we were talking and he told
me that he could not keep supporting me as he had because he
was going to go under as well. Much as I did not want to
hear this it was certainly what I needed because this gave
me the push to get back on the road to good health. I saw a
naturopath and with the routine of herbal remedies and some
hypnosis I slowly learnt to deal with my worries a little
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It was shortly
after this time that Peter was killed and I was plunged into an
even bigger horror. I had to do it all on my own anyway. I took
up meditation during this terrible time. Meditation has helped
me to find some inner peace and acceptance of life.
I was very
fortunate to have the support of my parents who were always
there for the boys and myself.
Anthony’s next
operation was when he was 12 and in year 7 at school. That was a
long operation and took 7 hours. He had a human valve put in, a
conduit, a hole patched, muscles tissue carved out of his right
ventricle and his heart was moved to the left a little. Anthony
got a blood problem after surgery and needed blood transfusions
afterwards.
All these
operations plus all the time he was in hospital for tests had a
big effect on Anthony. Through all the troubles and pain and
fear of needles he kept trying. He always tried to do everything
the nurses and doctors asked because he knew they were trying to
help.
When Dan was
younger he used to come to the hospital to the check ups as well
and Dan and Ant would –play in the waiting room at the hospital.
Dan and Ant had a good time together. Even though Anthony’s
exercise levels were restricted he did lots of things with his
brother. We went camping, ski holidays, holidays at the beach.
As Anthony grew
up and lived his life, he learned many things. After his
operation in 1996 he was so well he had plenty of oxygen in his
blood and started to have the same energy as all his mates. He
learned to run and jump and play. The first time he skinned his
knee at school after his op he was smiling when he told his Opa
because it happened as a result of him running really fast. In
the last check up in March 1998, Dr Pohlner told Ant to forget
he was a heart kid. He told him to go out and live. Anthony
thanked his surgeon for his miracle work.
Anthony did go
out and live. He became more agile, went to kick boxing, rode
his bike faster, did dive bombs and back flips in the pool. He
was happy strong and healthy and loved every minute of it.
He had his little worries and
some sleepless nights but all these thing could be sorted
out with talking. He got angry sometimes but most often he
was pretty calm. He loved reading, loved going to the
library, loved lollies and burgers. He loved spending time
with the people he cared for. He loved his Starlight
computer, Star Wars and Jurassic Park. His spent many happy
hours with his special mate Dustin. They swam together,
watched heaps of videos, went fishing in the creek and rode
bikes together.
Anthony
touched many people’s hearts in his life. Everyone has
personal memories of him and their time with him in all
aspects of his life, family, friends, hospital staff and
teachers. He left behind many gifts.
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He died on
3/1/99. His heart stopped. His friends and brother were with
him. Dan told him that he loved him. It seems Ant’s spirit chose
the time and the place and all the people who needed to be
there, were.
Anthony was a
very special young man. He will live forever in my heart. I
consider it was an absolute privilege and joy to have had him in
my life. It has been seven years since Anthony died. Time is a
funny thing. As I sit and reflect over the years. It seems like
only yesterday that I was talking to him and stroking his hair
and yet it also seems like a lifetime ago. Often times I sit and
cry, because it is the physical missing that is painful. I also
smile and remember his life. It would be easy to dwell on the
loss and remain stuck in painful memories. But then I know that
Anthony would like to see me enjoy my day as he used to. This
gives me the inspiration to get going again.
There are
seasons in life and each phase is different, unique. People die
at all different times and ages. We can never know. It is the
individual’s journey and their connections to people they meet
along the way that has the ripple effect through time.
The words below
were read out at Anthony’s funeral. They form part of a poem
written by my friend Jill.
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